Saturday was my big birthday party. 30 years on this planet... wow. It was a good night. I saw a lot of good friends, both old and new, but I definitely would have made some changes, and I think the next time I have a get together, it will be a lot smaller.
As I'm getting older, it makes me think about how life was before I 'got a life' in Kansas City. I did spend as much time on my computer, but the people I spent time with were a much more varied group, and it felt very different. I always wished there was a metal 'scene', and upon finding one, I was thrilled to be able to go to shows a lot and make friends who like sort of what I like, but in the end, I'm still back at square one thinking about what I really do want.
Seeing old friends, friends who have been through all sorts of crazy experiences with me, made me really miss that connection. I don't feel like I have that with people I see on a regular basis now, except maybe my parents, and it makes it sort of hard. I love metal, it's a huge part of my life, but there are a lot of other things I care about too. I want to be able to expand again, and do different things, with people who know me well, basically my extended family. Sadly, those are the people who live just far enough away that we can't hang out more, and it sucks.
I'm also exceedingly tired of beer. I think from now on, the closest I get to beer will be cider, and I feel like having a sign that says DON'T BUY ME BEER. Ugh. It makes me feel sick, tastes horrible, and well, sorry. I'm a hard liquor girl. I like sweet drinks, not drinks that rot my mouth from the inside. That's just my life.
I'm tired of the metal scene here. I'm tired of listening to crap I really do NOT care about, and I know I sound elitist, but after the last bullcrap experience seeing Destroyer666 and Enthroned, I just have stopped caring. Sure, I'll go to shows with bands of friends and things, but don't expect to see me doing much else. I kind of miss the days when big shows were events. I planned for months, bought tickets for a plane or train ride, coordinated with friends from other places, and we had fun doing things in other cities. Now, the only traveling and coordination is fighting for a parking spot in Westport that is remotely close to the venue.
Call me ungrateful, or old. I don't really care. All I know is, this is my life, and I'm doing things my way. If I don't, then what right do I even have to be alive?
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