Such a long span of time, so little to really say...

So I guess I haven't written in here since September. I've been busy and braindead, but working all the same. Blogging didn't seem like it mattered too much, since there aren't a lot of people who even look at this. I post links sometimes, on Facebook and whatnot, and no one seems to acknowledge. I don't know if they don't want to read stuff, they forget to comment or they just genuinely do not care... I'm not sure I'm really offended either. I'm just ambivalent. Sometimes it's nice not to share your life and everything you do with people. I think after a while the world at large will remember this. Sometimes privacy is a wonderful thing, especially when you're creating and trying to build a life for yourself. That's another blog though, some other time when I'm feeling ardently wistful.

It's kind of weird, perhaps I'm just becoming really 'busy' and involved, for the first time in a long time. It's a good thing I think, in some ways. In others, it's kind of sad. I forget a lot about documenting the daily routines or my ideas or thoughts, but at the same time my energy level has been either very high or very low, or some weird combination. It's kind of like sleepwalking and still getting a normal day's worth of work done.



I took some pics back at the Valient Thorr show at the beginning of October (I think). It went pretty well and they did a fun show. I hadn't listened to them much before, but I have some friends who are ginormous fans, and I'm really glad I got to be a part of it :)
The pictures are here: Valient Thorr - Kansas City, MO

I also have been working on grant writing, and it's pretty involved. Now we'll see if my labors paid off. Of course, I will work hard to make them pay off. If not, my graduate work will have to make big adjustments and that would really suck.


I did get my wish finally and they announced GR dates. I'm going to the February 3 show in Chicago, and will be taking pics there. I don't know if I'll get a 'photo pass', but I've heard the venue is nice about letting people take them anyway. Hopefully that will all work out all right. I just hope I can grab some posters for friends who collect them.

I'm looking forward to winter break. Hopefully I will get my website up (yeah it's still not up, but I made some url and other suchness changes), volunteer at a local animal shelter and help them to get some babies new homes, and possibly get another of my teeth pulled. I'm not looking forward to that last one, but I don't think the majority of human beings really enjoy that sort of stuff.

I guess the only thing to leave with is this, just because... yeah, ahahaha.

Inventory of life...

Saturday was my big birthday party. 30 years on this planet... wow. It was a good night. I saw a lot of good friends, both old and new, but I definitely would have made some changes, and I think the next time I have a get together, it will be a lot smaller.

As I'm getting older, it makes me think about how life was before I 'got a life' in Kansas City. I did spend as much time on my computer, but the people I spent time with were a much more varied group, and it felt very different. I always wished there was a metal 'scene', and upon finding one, I was thrilled to be able to go to shows a lot and make friends who like sort of what I like, but in the end, I'm still back at square one thinking about what I really do want.

Seeing old friends, friends who have been through all sorts of crazy experiences with me, made me really miss that connection. I don't feel like I have that with people I see on a regular basis now, except maybe my parents, and it makes it sort of hard. I love metal, it's a huge part of my life, but there are a lot of other things I care about too. I want to be able to expand again, and do different things, with people who know me well, basically my extended family. Sadly, those are the people who live just far enough away that we can't hang out more, and it sucks.

I'm also exceedingly tired of beer. I think from now on, the closest I get to beer will be cider, and I feel like having a sign that says DON'T BUY ME BEER. Ugh. It makes me feel sick, tastes horrible, and well, sorry. I'm a hard liquor girl. I like sweet drinks, not drinks that rot my mouth from the inside. That's just my life.

I'm tired of the metal scene here. I'm tired of listening to crap I really do NOT care about, and I know I sound elitist, but after the last bullcrap experience seeing Destroyer666 and Enthroned, I just have stopped caring. Sure, I'll go to shows with bands of friends and things, but don't expect to see me doing much else. I kind of miss the days when big shows were events. I planned for months, bought tickets for a plane or train ride, coordinated with friends from other places, and we had fun doing things in other cities. Now, the only traveling and coordination is fighting for a parking spot in Westport that is remotely close to the venue.

Call me ungrateful, or old. I don't really care. All I know is, this is my life, and I'm doing things my way. If I don't, then what right do I even have to be alive?

Oh blimey

This has been an interesting week. It started basically last week when I started packing the last of my boxes, then my parents came up on Friday to help me get situated for the big move. That was a good day, we IHOPped it up, then got the keys to the new place. Unfortunately, we didn't check them both and one was messed up, along with the mail key, but that's being fixed. Yeehaw.

So far things are pretty settled. I haven't unpacked much and my extra room is in a shambles. Sometimes I wish I didn't have so much stuff, because it's a little bit ridiculous. It would be nice to get a smaller place and think wow, I can save some money, but that's the price of doing art and being a packrat.

It has been hideously hot the majority of the move, but I managed to survive. Marek is doing well too, and is being a slug under a chair somewhere right now.


Ooh my god, I think I'm going to watch another Mummy trainwreck, so I'll write more later...

What is my reality?

So I'm pretty sure I grew up in the 70s, but 20 years too late, if that's even possible.

I think I probably have KISS to thank for that, and a very acute awareness of how much of a weirdo I was.

It's ok though, it put me in the right place at the wrong time, and apparently now I'm reaping the benefits, or something.

Either way though, I guess that's life now. A digital age with an analog me. I'm just glad my tape doesn't get flipped over when the stereo freaks out anymore. I just wonder how much I'll have to fight to keep them from putting an implant in me. It's years away, I'm sure of it!!

Sigh

Well this week has gotten off to a weird start.

Sunday Tim and Jodi came kind of at different times and helped me pack. We got a lot done, Bruce provided entertainment, and Marek sat in the bedroom and extra room being generally crabby. My apartment is a maze of boxes and junk, and all the things I haven't decided on packing yet. It's kind of irritating, and I shouldn't be ungrateful for having so much stuff. At the same time, it's an overwhelming mess to sort it all, categorize it and HOPE I don't run out of boxes. That said, I'm getting very very close.

Some time last week my dishwasher got clogged, and is now holding water in the bottom of it. I believe I ran it on Wednesday before I went to class, and when I got home I thought hmm, this is strange, but chalked it up to my dishwasher being old. I didn't notice the smell until Saturday, and it's still in the same state, since the apartment complex I presently live in can't seem to ever have enough maintenance people on staff to actually help their tenants out. I'm very relieved that I only have until Friday to actually reside here.

Marek had his annual vet visit today and ended up getting scared so much that he had an accident on the way to the car. I felt horrible, and got him a bath when we got home. He still smells funny, so he might end up taking another dip. He's going to hate me, but he can't be all smelly. Nope nope nope. Poor baby bear. I feel terrible, but there was hardly any parking and we parked right by some guys doing yardwork. Baaad idea. Ugh.

Oh well. I'm exhausted and today's been crazy. It's barely 11 am and I'm ready for a very very long nap.

Nonsensical Blithering...

Today has been interesting. I came to the realization that if my brain were wired into Twitter, the entire world would probably hate me. It's a good thing it isn't then.

I made a lot of interesting observations though...

Andrew WK's long lost brother was driving in front of me on a motorcycle with KC Chiefs stickers plastered on it and a BMW helmet. That's something you don't see every day. He was also chunky. Sadly I didn't get a photo because the light turned green.

It was also apparently bring your idiot to Sonic and get half price happy hour drinks. I almost got crunched into by some stupid woman on her cell phone, basically blocking the entrance, then when I cleared that obstacle, there was an SUV just sitting out in the middle of the drive area turned on with no one in it. I'll be avoiding that Sonic for a while...

That's really all I can think of right now. It's been a long long day, and I'm ready to go home and sleep for about a month. I haven't worked this long of a shift basically anywhere since February. Luckily this one is basically babysitting a photo lab, at least today, and I can relax and listen to good music. Nothing wrong with that.

I went to a show last night, it was pretty good, what I was able to see of it. I had to leave before the last band, which was a shame, but I listened to them on Myspace and it was ok, but nothing special. It seems like it's that way a lot around here. Maybe I just have extreme expectations, I really don't know. It's nice to see talented bands, and sometimes talented people in so so bands... that's usually the gist of it. One or two people play their hearts out, the others spend too much time on drama and need to grow up. I guess that's just how it is. I mean, look at Pink Floyd... same thing. And hell, Roger Waters is still taking The Wall on tour... ugh.

Speaking of The Wall, I did actually try to watch it a few months ago. I got to 'One of My Turns', said screw it and went to HyVee for lemon cake. I mean, I do enjoy the album, but the movie was just terribly depressing, plus Bob Geldof is creepy.

I think I'm becoming grizzled, at least at some aspects of life here. The whole KC metal scene thing really bugs me, hopefully some changes will come about in the next few months. I just wonder how much I'll have to do with it. After the other crap involving metal that happened earlier this year, I'm hesitant to take part in projects, other than the Dio tribute, especially if the whole money and power and status things come into play. That's not worth it, and I'd rather be a speck of dirt than a clump of angry mud. That isn't the best analogy but whatever. At least I try, sometimes.

I've been trying to work on my website and WordPress is a pain. I did finally figure out how to fix some things, then I screwed my account up, so I'm trying to wait for it to update and work the bugs out. I did find a nice tutorial, so perhaps I can actually get my photo albums up. I'm still kind of confused as to how everything is going to be organized, but we'll see. Part of me is angry I didn't just use older coding, but that's the nature of technology. The minute you get good at something, the rules change and you are made obsolete. Technological Decay I suppose is a good way to put it... Survival of the brainiest at least in some terms.

I dunno, I guess I can go ahead and hit publish post and be done, hopefully I will be able to go home soon and get some quiet time and rest.

And just for the record, I really can't stand Savatage.

Thank you and goodnight.

I'm basically a slug...

So, I have 11 days left until class is over. I've managed to secure a domain for a photography website, and that's about it. I did mess with it some on Friday but my brain's just not wanted to wrap around doing a bunch of stuff. I probably will just lug all my stuff to class tomorrow and work without distractions like sleep and food and Mr. Babypants.

I've been listening to 'After' a lot, and it's just amazing. The depth of it is mind boggling, and well, I love it, that's really all I feel like saying right now. It's so nice to find something new and exciting that can almost replace several different bands that I forgot about in the past. It's interesting how it reminds me of Mr. Bungle and Alice in Chains (Emperor goes without saying), yet Ihsahn was more influenced by stuff like radiohead. I think it just shows that you can get cool and workable ideas from many sources. I will say that he has one of the most beautiful singing voices I've heard in quite a while. Plus, he knows how to use it, he doesn't jack around with stupid stuff, and I appreciate that.

Anyway though, I dunno. Other than that, I spent most of my day sleeping because it's basically miserable out. Maybe the rain will settle things down for a bit. Maybe not, I dunno...

New Stuff

So, I spent money this past week. It's not exactly a good thing, but at the same time, I'm glad I made some music purchases. Firstly, I bought a copy of Emperor's Live Inferno LP at Ear Waxx, and it is fantastic. :) I'm kind of sad it doesn't have the booklet that was advertised with the CD, but it happens. It sounds great and I really wish I had the chance to see them live.

I also picked up Ensifernum's Victory Songs, which is also pretty cool. I really enjoy them and feel kind of dippy that I never bought an album before, but these things do happen.

Last but not least, I picked up After by Ihsahn (can you see a pattern here?) and it is amazing! I was really impressed, I mean, I knew it would be really cool, but it has a lot of depth and experimentation on it that makes it transcend genre. I also found out that angL is out on vinyl, so I'm going to have to track that down as well.

For now though, I better go back to packing. I have my dishes finished almost, most of them in one big box, but hey, I'm making use of the 15 boxes provided by the moving company. There's no use to put only two or three things in each one. Blerh.


And yeah, that's about it for now, since I completely forgot this was open. Oops...

A completely new take on buttpants...

So, I was binging on Emperor for several reasons, and I came across a really cool bootleg of a show from 1997. I'm embedding one of my favorite tracks, "With Strength I Burn".









And yeah, the buttpants... I'm not really sure how or why Ihsahn wore those pants, but... yeah. It raises some questions in my head. Was there glue involved? Where would you put keys in these converted buttpants? Do they actually qualify as buttpants in the truest sense of the word? I think they do. I'm not really sure how they couldn't since at some points it's hard to tell if there ARE indeed pants ON his butt.

And now, the infomercials have started, and I'm up way too late, but the question will linger... what the hell?

Chasing Mummies, a concise review (well, ok, not really)

History's new Zahi Hawass miniminiseries debuted last night. It was, like most programming nowadays in the tired wasteland of extended basic cable, a reality show, fraught with way too many Americanisms to make it an exciting experience. I digress. Let me present the premise of this juggernaut through the exciting world of being an Egyptologist.

Firstly, we meet the American documentary maker who was able to finagle six months of access to Dr. Hawass and his expeditionary teams all over Egypt. It's very similar to a movie we all know and love, but this 'host' and director isn't nearly as amusing as Rob Reiner was in This Is Spinal Tap. It's sad too, because it had a lot more personality, and so did the entire cast. Basically, the first episode started off and running complete with disarray at the step pyramid at Saqqara, which is currently being restored. Yeah, I don't know, it beats me why all of a sudden they HAVE to restore all this stuff, because it hasn't been there for several thousand years. *rolleyes* Workers and professors and doctors and sycophants are running around everywhere, and Zahi takes some doctor from America on a tour of the tunnels, which made me feel really queasy. As much as I love Egypt, I think that would totally freak me out. He made sure to point out that things were very unstable under there, and that there are 3 miles of tunneling under the pyramid. Nice foreshadowing, doc.

Of course, in a show like this, there have to be Americans. It's some kind of prerequisite, because Americans need to see themselves? In a show about Egypt? Well, ok. Whatever. They have a group of interns and fellows, following Zahi around in a press-style gaggle until some girl named Zoe shows up. Unfortunately for her, and them, she wasn't even the intern they were expecting, and I guess the other girl never shows up. Someone just lost an office job... jeez. Zoe kind of reminds me of Sarah Silverman, except Sarah Silverman is funny and intelligent, and would know better than to open her mouth in ignorant schoolgirl babble around a guy who snaps at anything.

Basically after Zoe showed up, was late, the wrong person then begged to go in the pyramid ASAP, I knew it was going to be downhill. Steep, plummeting reality show goodness. Really, when is Bret Michaels going to pop up in an episode? Or maybe History couldn't get him because of the press junket and everything. I'm sure they got CC DeVille instead. I'm sure the Egyptian gods will love him, and I'm sure there were court jesters back in ancient Egypt. Seriously though, Zoe's little needy escapade got her stuck in the pyramid tunneling, with a cameraman, in the dark, for hours. I'm sorry, but if most other people are exiting the pyramid, I would too. How dumb can you be? I mean, granted I do get a touch of claustrophobia, but it is dark there, desert in fact, there are scorpions, all sorts of things, oh, and that's right, a HUGE pyramid over your head, that is unstable... You wouldn't need to tell me twice.

So of course, Mr. Director gets the phone call that the girl and the cameraman are trapped in the Saqqara pyramid, and then there is a lot of clever montaging of frantic camera angles, whilst Zahi yells at another American while they drive to the pyramid. They find the girl, and no one is hurt, and it makes no sense to me why she even got to stay. Of course, this is probably the grizzled and cynical part of me irritated at the kind of person who would make a mockery of a gift like that. I can only imagine, to be able to have unprecedented access to parts of Egyptian history that no one even gets to see would be amazing. Why screw up with silly little things like not paying attention, or opening your pie hole when you have no reason to speak?

I have this feeling the rest of the episodes will carry on in this same fashion. I know from the previews of the series that Zoe also loses control of her bladder in a tomb. I don't know if that is supposed to be funny or sensational, but for the most part it feels like they're making a mockery of a history and culture I really love, and that makes me loathe to watch. I was really excited about this, really glad there was a SERIES, a whole freakin' series, on mummies, and Egypt, and adventure. It's about as depressing as the made for TV miniseries of The Memoirs of Cleopatra, which was neither a memoir or about Cleopatra.

I'm just not sure if this is supposed to be something to learn from, or merely something for the laymen who know nothing about Egypt, nothing about the amazing history and rich artifacts. I'll be happy if and when they make a series the for the people who can understand the importance and wonder of Egypt in a mature and reverent light.

Getting really fed up

I am really getting tired of waiting... Every time I look stuff up on Gamma Ray US tour dates, there's nothing. No one knows, no one posts things on websites, and all the interviews say are oh in fall, in fall. Riight. Obviously it's not happening. I talked to a friend who said they will come next year. I wonder if that will do like this year. I will postpone planning a trip to Germany or Europe (if I can even afford it) and then they will be here while I'm there. It seems like this whole thing is a comedy of errors and I really would like to just not care anymore.

I probably sound impatient, and I am, at least a bit, but I've been under the impression they were coming in fall since oh, December or earlier. No, it was earlier than that, back when I emailed to get information... Oh they're planning to come in spring. Oh, well no, sorry, it got pushed back. Instead of coming while they're IN this hemisphere, they're going to come in fall. Now, Kai will say in interviews oh, we're coming in late fall, and does anything pop up anywhere? Nope.

I guess I'll believe it when I'm standing in front of them, because other than that it's basic hearsay and empty words, and it all makes me really tired.

Muh Flickr account

I had to make a Flickr account for class, so here's the linkleberry:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/saraerobbins/

There's not much on yet since I started it just last night, but I hope to add a decent amount of work that is representative of what I've been doing lately. :)

Zpacks suck and I have the hiccups

So today I have a photo shoot. Of course that means I'm sitting in my pjs, feeling like crap and it is 3 pm... I'm on the third round of antibiotics to get rid of the staph infection in my ear, and apparently it's basically gone, except for the pain that still comes and goes. Woohoo. Unfortunately, this time around, the Zpack is really beating me up. I think I'll have to get probiotics or something when I'm finished with all of this. Ugh. I'm not making a video about it, I can assure everyone of that :P

I'm going to start getting things ready for a website this weekend for my graduate class. Hopefully it will be easy. We talked about some stuff and it doesn't seem like it will take too much, not like a few years ago. Now it's all templates, easy for whomever to throw stuff up online, and if you pay a little, they format it for you. I just hope I can get something that is nice that won't break the bank.

Ahhwell. I guess that's it for now. I'm going to get up before long and get ready to go. Really! I am!! I swears it!!

Updates and whatnot

So I was sitting here, writing an email to someone, then I looked and realized I wrote the same email back on the 2nd. I suppose when I have something to say, it sticks with me, even if I have already taken care of it. Maybe my brain is full.
Of course I'd write an email to someone, who else would I write to? A plant? A vegetable? Marek? Well, he does have an email account (yes, I know) and I haven't checked it since 2007... so yeah, not even going there.

I also wondered why I was so freaking tired, then it occurred to me, I just finished up 8 hours of classes in about a month and a half. That is a lot, almost, in fact, full time for summer, which is 9 hours. I'm finishing my last 3 hours this month, which will make it a grand total of 11 hours in about 2 and a half months. So yeah, I'm a bit braindead, just a smidge.

I'm glad I didn't hit send, I've gotten really good at not doing that, it saves me feeling like an idiot, and there's no real need to repeat myself if I've said things once. Plus yeah, it's the department of redundancy departmental department of departments. Need I say moar?

Marek is currently roosting on the scene of his last barf. Not pleasant yeah, but at least I was up way too late/early piddling around listening to Deep Purple stuff on Youtube because I'm lazy and didn't want to plug in my external hard drive... blerh.

Oh well. I think I've bantered on enough, yerrrf. Here are some of the montages I worked on for my summer digital imaging class. Basically I used a lot of layer masks, extended exposures within the camera and other stuff like that. During the process I also had a handy dandy staph infection in my ear, my computer got a major virus, and all I wanted to do was sit in front of the TV and watch Doctor Who or World Cup stuff. Luckily for me, I still prevailed and was able to pull off some pretty awesome work :D





The Pictorial Evidence:

































































I think they're pretty self-explanatory. I hit some creative roadblocks in the middle bit, where I basically doubted my entire idea and couldn't see the whole 'metal documentary' stuff as a collage. I looked at tarot cards and got some ideas there that really helped me out, and I'm very happy I took that detour. Talk about strange, it ended up being exactly what I wanted. Life definitely is a wheel... but not with chains made of steel.

XD

Wring That Neck

Lately I've been fascinated by the Deep Purple song 'Wring That Neck'. It was on The Book of Taliesyn originally, and became a fixture of shows during the Mark II lineup (Blackmore, Gillan, Lord, Glover, Paice) and is just amazing. I've found a lot of really amazing versions that were luckily filmed on Youtube, and will try to post some on here. It's very fun to watch, and some of the stuff they were doing is so ahead of its time that it still boggles my mind, and some of the performances are 40 years old. It's crazy how that works, but it is something I can really appreciate and enjoy, and I'm glad that different people have posted these to share. I'm really glad YouTube exists. :)

Live in Paris, 1970




Bilzen, 1969

Part I



Part II


Part III
This has one of the most jaw dropping guitar solos I have heard Ritchie play. Absolutely amazing.




Doing Their Things, 1970

Searching for the Sacred Heart...

Lately my life has been anything but normal. I've found myself in the middle of a strange and pointless conflict that made me walk away from things and people that I love. I don't know if that is permanent, or just will take some time to heal, but right now part of me feels tired, worn and old. It's the kind of feeling that I never thought I would feel, and I wish I knew how to understand myself, because I really do not right now.

I've never been in a situation where someone basically attacked me for words that were not my own, and it really makes me wonder why some people get freaked out about forums and websites and what people say. They get freaked out over opinions, empty words that might be posted out of irritability, immaturity, or educated opinion. Even so, it's just opinion. It makes me sad that I let it affect me so much, but what else can you do? It feels like this year so far has been a lot of wasted effort in some areas of my life. The only good part is that other parts of my life are doing quite well, flourishing in fact, but part of that was from the energy and life I got from the things that now seem to decay.

I've felt helpless and cast off for a week now. It's been a week where I threw myself into school, and then not so much. I substituted the guitar sound I love for a predecessor, not a bad thing, but a nice change. When the sounds of someone you love make you cry, maybe it's best to let that fly away. Perhaps he will come back. Perhaps my heart will mend itself in time. I hope so. And he has no idea. He probably knows nothing, except that I write lots of emails, and I have a lot of emotion to get out. Maybe it is enough? I don't know. There are so many trivial obstacles in the way that it makes me want to stand up and scream, scream until my throat is raw and my hair is matted with sweat.

I finally find someone that works for me, that has that same intuition and spark, and everything else seems to get in the way. All I want is to see him, just for a little while, talk in person and figure things out. I tried to say ok, this is it, and all I did was cry myself into a stupor and ache. It's a kind of empty feeling I can't even fathom. I'm not sure if I will ever understand, but I hope it's not over. I guess it is only over when one of us says it is. Whether it's real or a farce, I will not know for a good long time, and all I can do is wait. I hate waiting, a lot.

For now, I try not to yearn for emails that won't come, some sign of life, of anything, even though some days I grit my teeth and wait for him to tell me I'm crazy, to go away and never email him or think of him again; I've been waiting for that since all of this started and it never came. I'm not sure what it means, since that is what I have come to expect, but I suppose I will find out eventually, one way or the other.

I just know this much: The trust I have given to some people will probably never be replaced, and from now on I will try to institute a new code for myself. I'm not sure what it is as of yet, but perhaps I will work through it this summer, examine myself and figure out what I want, where I want to be, and how I want to get there. Listening to "Sacred Heart" today really reminded me of that... "whenever you dream, that's when you fly"

I think I need to start dreaming again...

Having goals, we all should strive for something

So tonight I decided, not really intending to, that it would be fun to buy 20 Chicken McNuggets.

I'm not really sure why, but I did eat about 19.5 of them in the course of about 6 hours. Marek got some, of course. I think he would have staged a revolt if he was ignored. Will these 19.5 mcnuggets help me in any way, shape or form? Probably not. I have it on good authority that nacho cheese chicken chalupas are the best remedy for any ailment of the stomach, and Code Red Mt. Dew does wonders as well. It's also good if you want the dehydration diet.

Other than that, today's been weird. My German class might be cancelled because of insanely low enrollment, and I had a laptop scare this afternoon. I went to Best Buy, as I do when I'm broke and have a service plan. Apparently the guy who works in the kiosk up at the front has nothing better than to inspect peoples' previously purchased items and put little pink stickers on them, and seems to find the part where nothing will come off. I'm glad I made his day more exciting. It must be liberating to sit in that little spot for 9 hours a day saying hi there to all the passersby.

I got up to the Geek Squad table, and the same guy who is there every single solitary time I've been there was working with several people, so I got sent to customer service to get a receipt printed. Apparently he didn't want me just standing over there. I have nooo clue.

Long story short, I'm not really sure if they did anything, but at least no one griped at me for having a dusty computer on the inside... bleh.

I'd write more, but I'm being inundated by links from people who think I must watch said video RIGHT NOW, and I just want to listen to Deep Purple...

that's all for nao... flerb

Dog poo in the punchbowl...

Sometimes I really wonder what my purpose is. Sometimes, I'm not sure I even have one.

I had an email from someone I really didn't want to hear from today, telling me to remove graphics from my GR forum. He really has no right to ask me something; he might be the webmaster, but he's doing these things on his own. Come to find out, he's afraid he'll get in trouble for giving me graphics I didn't even use for anything but designs to help HIM.

I love idiots. I really do. I love them enough to want to just hibernate, cancel my internet connection and never care about things like this again.

I'm probably overreacting, but I really thought this garbage was over. I spent two months of my life helping him, trying to make a site that would be comprehensive and really speak to fans from all different incarnations of Gamma Ray. Well, obviously that didn't happen. *shrug* No biggie though. I guess it could be a lot worse. It's not like I lost anything but time, and maybe a commission for a very horrible logo idea. It's ok though, the guy that I was working for was even more obnoxious, and makes me wonder if moving to Germany eventually is even worth it.

Maybe I'll move to Montana... raise me some dental floss...

I just have to remember, trusting people, for the most part, is a human error, one that I have made many, many times.

I've had so many things running around in my head lately, questioning the validity of some relationships, if they're even real, and wondering if maybe I'm doing a bunch of things now that won't even matter later. I guess I'll just stay the course, and figure things out later on when they show themselves for the truth that they hold.

I just know that being told that I send garbage to people I care about, and fill up their boxes with said garbage, basically because he doesn't want to get in trouble.

It just goes to show, there are good people, then there are immature morons, and unfortunately, I seem to know a lot more immature morons than good people... and I should think a lot more in the future before I say I will offer help or assistance, or even an ear to people to seemingly need it, because they need help... more help than I can ever offer. Like psychiatric help.

At least by the end of this blog I feel more empowered than I started out.

Rest in Peace Dio...

In all my wildest dreams, I didn't think I'd be writing a blog about Ronnie James Dio leaving this world... Anyway though, he's gone now, but only in body. His spirit is still with every metal fan who ever believed, and I think perhaps that this will inspire even more people to listen to his music and those of his colleagues and counterparts.

I've thought about his death in a much more Buddhist kind of philosophy... more like he transcended and is in another level of reality, and is resting from all the medical problems that beset him in the last six months. It helps me deal with it, even though I had a good cry the other night. No one is ever going to be able to replace him, and that's all right.

Anyway, that's really all for now. I'm still at home, maybe will help mom paint some tomorrow but I'm not really sure yet. All I know is I could sleep for a week. Ahhwell. Sleeping all the time is highly overrated, and life is way too short.

Anyway, thank you Mr. Dio, for all the music and inspiration, and I only wish I'd come to know your music much sooner...

A couple things

Well, classes are over for this semester and things went pretty well.

My gpa is a lot higher than it has ever been, and I'm pretty happy with that.

Jodi got her interview with Daniel published, here's a link:

Jodi's interview with Daniel from Gamma Ray

I guess other than that life is life. I have a photoshoot with Vanlade today, and then I'll have some editing time and noodling.

We had a huge storm last night, Marek wasn't too happy about all of that... now I just sit and stare, until I decide either to go to Taco Bell or go back to bed...

Life thus far...

Well, I got accepted to graduate school. I can now say that with a piece of paper in hand, well, figuratively. I will hopefully take a grad class this summer. I'm really looking forward to getting on with life now.

Hopefully things will work out the way I would like, but I'm not going to freak out if they don't. If I get my wish, I will go to Europe for a while next summer and maybe be able to use that time for graduate credit. It's a long way away, but I'm confident it would go well and give me somem really great ideas for photography and art.

For now, I guess that's it.

Finals are coming up and I have a massive amount of pain in my ears, and yeah... it sucks. I just want it to stop so I can work again and turn my head the correct way.

I'll post some photos of my work later on, when I feel more like a human...

Well, today has been a slight bust. I didn't go to my German conversation quiz, but I'm going to just reschedule it. Hopefully my teacher won't mind... My head feels like death and I'm doing my best to be active but it's not working.

I've narrowed my idea for my final photo project down. I think it'll be interesting, now I just have to go through the photos that I took this last week, not nearly enough probably, and get to work on them. If it works, I will either call it 'Story of a House' or 'We Will All Be Ghosts'... I kind of like the second title more, I think it's kind of... well, morbid, but it's me, of course it's morbid. Not in a sad way though, more meditative and reflective I suppose.

The photos I took that stood out the most were some photos of beds at the house... I thought about trying to do a series of those, just beds, in natural light, with lots of shadow, but I'm not sure if I have access to enough places to warrant 20 of those... buh. No biggie though, there are lots of different shots to work with, so I'll keep plugging away and do some editing tonight during class where I can have some distance from home and the internet and things that pull my focus away.

Buh... I'm tired... before long I suppose I should actually get out of bed, but I have potted some plants today and spent time with Mr. Bear, and also transcribed an interview my friend Holger did with Jon Oliva. It was a really nice interview. I feel kind of bad skipping out on his band at Progpower, but eh, it happens. I don't regret leaving though, for so many reasons...

It's going to rain, my bones are letting me know in advance... PEH.

buh.

Spring break is over, and I'm guessing I have accomplished something. If nothing else, I was able to do some reading and take a bit of a break from the horrible terrible internet. Yeehaw.

I'm back in KC now, being quiet and trying to take an inventory of what I need to do today.

Unfortunately change my name and move to a new place where no one can bother me isn't available, which is really sad because right now people just make me angry and frustrated... It's no big deal though, really. It will pass.

Marek's happy I'm home, and I have photos to edit later and see if i need any more. I probably will, I just will have to find an interior I can shoot at without a lot of people around... but that's really about all I feel like saying today.

Feeling slammed and mellow at the same time... is that possible?

Well, it's been a busy week. Midterms are going on right now and everyone I know is feeling like their brain has been burnt to a crisp. I'm home feeling hideous, and I know I need to go to class tonight. I'm not feeling it at all, but yeah...

Marek is curled up in his little self-made nest on the couch. He's lucky.

I'm excited for break. It will be nice to go home for a few days and see my parents for the first time since Christmas when they came up for a few hours and helped me move furniture. Mom is almost finished with the bathroom renovations, and I'm sure she's relieved.

Other than that I'm doing the best I can to just keep a level head and get through the next few weeks. I'm sure there will be a lot of stress, but I'll live. Now I just need to get over the feeling of being used by some people I've become acquainted with in the last few months. I suppose it just means the year is off to a rocky and undecided start. Hopefully that will pass and things will become more concrete and successful.

I keep trying to remind myself that I have to provide for me first, before helping others, but somehow that always gets turned around. It's funny though, the people at the core who know me best still give me support and the care that I really do need, even if it's in a roundabout way sometimes. I'm grateful for them, because even if there are arguments or things taken the wrong way, it always turns out for the better after you have a chance to explain your actions.

Hopefully in the future I'll learn to be slower to trust, and more decided in my actions, and learn even more patience than I've learned in the past couple of years.

*sigh*

We were supposed to start cyanotype/van dyke brown process stuff tonight in alt process, but yeah... it didn't end up happening... I got one piece of hot press watercolor paper coated for each process, then said screw it and went home. The only drawback to our lab is that we have 3 computers and 4 printers. One doesn't work, and the other three were occupied all night... I should have thought ahead and edited my photos at home, but what can you do? Sometimes other stuff happens during the day and it gets a little bungled in the end.

I think I'm going to go in on Friday afternoon and work, since the time Cathleen and Johnny are coming was Thursday and not Friday... fine with me. If I work on Friday, I don't have to worry about being anywhere at night for a class.

Marek has been mopey today, but he seems a little more chipper now... of course... before bed. Yay. He's been chasing a toy around and sliced my ankle when he got too excited... it's time for a pedicure I think. He's doing his routine where he tears all over my apartment at warp speed (I'm not kidding, lol) and plays with every toy he can find. It's super cute and I wish I could get it on video because it would probably win some award, or at least be a hit on youtube for five minutes. Heheh.


I feel bad that I haven't been updating this much in the past couple weeks, but I've been either busy or in dark places, trying to work things out for myself. There has been a lot of stress from several different sources, and when things like that are going on, blogging is really the last thing on my mind, and sometimes I might think oh, I should write a blog, but that rarely ends up happening.

I should go to bed soon, I have a lot to do this weekend, and even more to do next week... and tomorrow I should probably do some stuff too... doing stuff is good...

St. Patrick's Day night is the Hatchet/Witchaven/Vanlade/The Tards show, so I have that to look forward to after my art history class.

I really think it should be St. Patrick Stewart day, and everyone should wear Star Trek uniforms... it's only fair. I mean really. Screw green.

Ok, I'm going, I'm going :P

Pfffferffersons

Ok, not ignoring my blog, but my brain is fried and I'm exhausted...

In happy news, I got my student status changed and got a good amount back from my taxes, so I can save money for Gamma Ray shows later this year. :)

The weather has been weird and Marek's a little weirder than usual, if that's possible, but we're making it.


I'm glad spring is finally here, even if it's still a bit chilly :)

More new images

Ok, here are a few more new ones. I'm not too happy about how this inserts photos, but eh, I'll live.

Some of them might be a bit large, so click on them to get the full effect. This blog program cuts things off at a certain point and it's a bit of a pain... I'm thinking of switching to Wordpress, but I don't really have time at the moment to go through all of that.

First, this is another of the Marie Antoinette series, I'm pretty happy with it. I've been trying to figure out how to get the mottled effect for a while and I think I finally have my own version of something I really like.










After that, I decided to do some messing around on the scanner, just with very simple self-portraits. This is one I did a while after the usual 'smush your face into the glass' type stuff, and I really like the ghostlike effect.








This was the next one, which started out as a face scan, and I messed around with levels and color balance, then remembered some photos that I didn't use in Spring of 2009, so I put one to good use from an iced over pond at Loose Park.










This one is a closer section of the same image, but with different color balancing.









I'm pretty excited about this last one. It started off with a scan where I thought, why not do a rolling scan of my face, sort of like I've seen on some Discovery Channel show about mapping faces. I just rolled my head with the movement of the light bar, which was a lot trickier than I thought it would be, and it turned out insanely weird looking. I messed with the levels and color balance, did some overlapping of the same image in different opacities and blending methods, and then used a photo of a crazy tree trunk to get the wood effect... this kind of reminds me of something like mutant Treebeard, or even The Fountain... which was quite a weird movie...

And as always, thanks for looking, and please leave comments if you have any ideas or suggestions :)

The 1700s Project, Part One...

Ok, here are a couple of my new images from the Marie Antoinette digital project, just to show some ideas. I'm utilizing a lot of Photoshop filter tools, which if done right, aren't stupid looking. Hopefully that's coming across. I'm probably going to work on getting some more photos today, either from my scanner or just my regular camera... I might even see about shooting a roll of film and dropping it off at Walgreens to be processed. I'd rather not though, I'm a bit low on funds right now, as always. Peh.

Clicking on this bottom one will help, the blog frames sort of cut it off.

Also, a huge thanks to Jodi, who took photos of me Saturday night, that was a HUGE help!!! :D

Slow news day

Well, not much is going on today yet... I have a cracked tooth that hurts a bit, yet no money, and there are a lot of deadlines approaching. So what do I do? Look up Gamma Ray stuff on youtube... haha.

I feel kind of bad for Kai, doing ninety billion interviews with the same questions that have been floating around since he left Helloween has to get kind of irritating.

I am really not too keen on going outside today. Last time I looked at the weather it said it's only 8 degrees F, and yeah... screw that.

Maybe I should switch to a liquid diet until I get this tooth fixed... owww....

I'm going to try to get some photos of process up here before long, hopefully this afternoon, to show more of what I'm working on right now. I got some cool stuff last night to work with as well. Yeehawr!

Another week, another head injury...

Well, the last few weeks have been pretty busy. I think the last thing I posted was a list of links to videos I thought were cute.

I did start a very short-lived Twitter account for Gamma Ray fans, but I'm just waiting until I hear if that is going to even materialize. No harm done, that and I think I would have exploded if I had one more thing to deal with this week.

Let's see... I had my second German test today... I hope I did all right. It was a lot simpler than I thought it would be, but that doesn't mean I did well on what was there. I guess I'll find out Monday or Tuesday.

I also need to formulate ideas for a project that I've put off for a while. I'm staying up in KC this weekend so I'll have some extra time. I hope I remember to use it wisely.

At the moment I'm just feeling like a nap, just had some very good shrimp fried rice, so that's probably the culprit. I also drank a Sprite, rather than my usual Dr. Pepper, so lack of caffination is probably a big part of it as well. Maybe I'll go join Marek on top of the storage tub for a nap... nerk.

I finally got my CD/DVD copy of "To The Metal!", and it's great :D I finally watched the DVD tonight and it was put together nicely, and gave a really nice overview of the album creating process without being too technical or too elitist. It was very nice to get to hear the construction of a song as well. I'm glad they're so proud of the album because it really is amazing. I know some people are kind of annoyed with it, and think they could do something better. I don't know what to say to that, I was overwhelmed by how amazing it is, even though I was confident it would blow me away.

Anyway, I'm feeling ughy, my head still hurts from bashing it on the corner of my microwave door last night, so I might go rest for a bit and maybe even write on a regular basis before long... don't hold your breath, lol.

Gamma Ray in Paris 2/10/2010

Here are some videos from the Paris show that Gamma Ray did Wednesday night :)

They were filmed by Christian, who did a wonderful job, and here is his youtube address: http://www.youtube.com/user/CHRISTIANIRONMAIDEN

Fight:



New World Order:






Armageddon:







Empathy:

A few videos for your enjoyment

These are just some random things I found on youtube.

And then the legendary Star Trek spoof on Family Guy, where we were introduced to Ensign Ricky:

And the ever elusive (grumble) video of Gamma Ray doing Blood Religion from Wacken in 2006:

I can't not post this, it's too cute:

That's probably enough for now, :D

Updates or something

Well, for the 0.0 people who read this, this is basically what's going on in my life.

I'm working on a webpage right now, it's going pretty well, even though I'm up way too late for one day.

My main hard drive died on me last Friday, leaving me with a huge hole in all my old data... luckily a lot of stuff IS saved on my older, more reliable hard drive. Woohoo for antiques. Heh. Right now I'm emailing copies of all my files to my email address so I can make sure to have backups. At least I'm being smart this time huh?

Classes are good, I felt bad that I missed too much German this week, but I will make it up.

Snow sucks and I hate it. I'm really tired of white stuff... belh.

Anyway yeah, I did a goofy photo of Vivaldi as a pirate, hehe

There isn't really a point, I just found it amusing and had a good time making it. :D

Anyway, I'm going to go pass out now, so there will be much more later, well, hopefully if I have time. :)

Is it a wake up call or exhaustion? I can't really tell...

Tonight, or I guess this morning, I'm very stressed. I just had a really weird and quite nasty dream, which ended up being both a waking dream and paralyzing me at the same time. I don't have those often, and unfortunately, it was about work. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to get from that, only I guess, that I'm stretched way too thin, and I need to do some serious evaluation of my life and what I do and don't do.

I know I need to take better care of myself, but I'm such a lazy bum. Staying up to work on German homework after staying up way too late working on website stuff was probably a bad idea, but it was important to me, and I do feel better that they're finished, at least.

Now I'm just drinking some tea and waiting to feel a little less freaked out by that stupid dream. At least that's all it was, which is reassuring, that nothing real happened, and when I go back to sleep I will be able to coerce myself into peaceful dreams.

Hopefully after my German class I will be smart and do some serious napping to get over feeling so bleh. It's pretty sad when I push myself too hard all week, then have one day to sit around and twitch and feel horrible... I'm going to burn out way too fast if I keep that up.

Oh well. On the bright side, I really enjoy my classes, and I'm doing quite well in my German class, which is a big bonus for me.

Now, I'm going to finish this tea and get some sleep.

Finally, an update

Hmm, well, life here hasn't been complicated, even if it seems that way. I am grateful that my classes are going well, and that I have so many good friends who put up with my whining, a lot more than they probably should.

Anyway, here's a rundown of the last two weeks...

Classes started... I am taking 3 classes, two for grad credit. German 120, Art Now, which is a discussion about contemporary art and what it is and why it pushes buttons, and Alternative Photography. All of my classes are great, with very capable teachers and a lot of nice people in class who are pleasant and easy to have discussions with. I really forgot how easy it is to learn with pleasant people. I missed that, a lot.

Work, that has been not so pleasant. I feel stretched very thin in that regard. I close a lot, more than I thought I ever would, and I'm at a point now where looking for something else is a must, and I've already started. Hopefully the rest of today can be used for that goal, and I can maybe even get a job in a book store again. I miss that atmosphere a lot, and who knows, maybe soon that will be my new work. If not, I have applied at a pizza place that should be pleasant. And they have good food, so we'll see.

Marek and I spent last night on the couch, being quiet and hanging around, and it was really nice. I'm so glad he has started sleeping on the couch more. It used to be like pulling teeth to get him to sit up with me n have cuddle time.

The new Gamma Ray release is less than a week away, and I'm guessing it will take longer for me to get it. The record store here in Kansas City couldn't even FIND stuff to order, so I'm not sure what's going on with that. Thank goodness for my lovely German friends, hehe.

Anyway though, now I get to round up stuff for a transfer project, study some German for my Monday class, and hope to everything holy that I get a call about a new job very soon... I haven't quit only because I don't want an interruption in my income, but as far as ethics and personal conviction go, I'm already gone.

Hopefully soon I can start posting photos of current work and things like that :D I'm excited!!!

A new board...

Well, today has been eventful enough.

I decided to start a new Gamma Ray message board since the other one is undergoing a lot of strife. So far it looks pretty good. Straightening code out was a bit of a pain, but it happens.

http://grinsurrection.rapidboards.com/index.php?act=idx

I just hope people actually appreciate it and sign up.

Woo! I has a achievernated :B

The beginning of a new year... or beer.. hmm

Well, this weekend was pretty eventful. It was, of course, the start of a new year. I spent the night at Jodi's house, watching zombie movies and entertaining Bruce, the sweetest baby in the universe :)

I decided on a whim, to go see Sherlock Holmes, and I am very glad I did. It was quite good and I'm hoping they will make a sequel. I was really taken by the story.

I spent last night hanging out with the guys from Vanlade and we had a really good time. It's the first time in a while I've gotten to just be obnoxious, talk about metal, and be around crazy people for a while, and in a good way. Hopefully it will happen again, soon. It's nice to find people who like the same things I like who don't live in another country, haha.

And yeah, I worked, as always, I worked. Luckily we were slow and closed early. WOO!!!!

And yeah, I guess that's it for now. My brain twinkles are needing twinkle sleep...