History's new Zahi Hawass miniminiseries debuted last night. It was, like most programming nowadays in the tired wasteland of extended basic cable, a reality show, fraught with way too many Americanisms to make it an exciting experience. I digress. Let me present the premise of this juggernaut through the exciting world of being an Egyptologist.
Firstly, we meet the American documentary maker who was able to finagle six months of access to Dr. Hawass and his expeditionary teams all over Egypt. It's very similar to a movie we all know and love, but this 'host' and director isn't nearly as amusing as Rob Reiner was in This Is Spinal Tap. It's sad too, because it had a lot more personality, and so did the entire cast. Basically, the first episode started off and running complete with disarray at the step pyramid at Saqqara, which is currently being restored. Yeah, I don't know, it beats me why all of a sudden they HAVE to restore all this stuff, because it hasn't been there for several thousand years. *rolleyes* Workers and professors and doctors and sycophants are running around everywhere, and Zahi takes some doctor from America on a tour of the tunnels, which made me feel really queasy. As much as I love Egypt, I think that would totally freak me out. He made sure to point out that things were very unstable under there, and that there are 3 miles of tunneling under the pyramid. Nice foreshadowing, doc.
Of course, in a show like this, there have to be Americans. It's some kind of prerequisite, because Americans need to see themselves? In a show about Egypt? Well, ok. Whatever. They have a group of interns and fellows, following Zahi around in a press-style gaggle until some girl named Zoe shows up. Unfortunately for her, and them, she wasn't even the intern they were expecting, and I guess the other girl never shows up. Someone just lost an office job... jeez. Zoe kind of reminds me of Sarah Silverman, except Sarah Silverman is funny and intelligent, and would know better than to open her mouth in ignorant schoolgirl babble around a guy who snaps at anything.
Basically after Zoe showed up, was late, the wrong person then begged to go in the pyramid ASAP, I knew it was going to be downhill. Steep, plummeting reality show goodness. Really, when is Bret Michaels going to pop up in an episode? Or maybe History couldn't get him because of the press junket and everything. I'm sure they got CC DeVille instead. I'm sure the Egyptian gods will love him, and I'm sure there were court jesters back in ancient Egypt. Seriously though, Zoe's little needy escapade got her stuck in the pyramid tunneling, with a cameraman, in the dark, for hours. I'm sorry, but if most other people are exiting the pyramid, I would too. How dumb can you be? I mean, granted I do get a touch of claustrophobia, but it is dark there, desert in fact, there are scorpions, all sorts of things, oh, and that's right, a HUGE pyramid over your head, that is unstable... You wouldn't need to tell me twice.
So of course, Mr. Director gets the phone call that the girl and the cameraman are trapped in the Saqqara pyramid, and then there is a lot of clever montaging of frantic camera angles, whilst Zahi yells at another American while they drive to the pyramid. They find the girl, and no one is hurt, and it makes no sense to me why she even got to stay. Of course, this is probably the grizzled and cynical part of me irritated at the kind of person who would make a mockery of a gift like that. I can only imagine, to be able to have unprecedented access to parts of Egyptian history that no one even gets to see would be amazing. Why screw up with silly little things like not paying attention, or opening your pie hole when you have no reason to speak?
I have this feeling the rest of the episodes will carry on in this same fashion. I know from the previews of the series that Zoe also loses control of her bladder in a tomb. I don't know if that is supposed to be funny or sensational, but for the most part it feels like they're making a mockery of a history and culture I really love, and that makes me loathe to watch. I was really excited about this, really glad there was a SERIES, a whole freakin' series, on mummies, and Egypt, and adventure. It's about as depressing as the made for TV miniseries of The Memoirs of Cleopatra, which was neither a memoir or about Cleopatra.
I'm just not sure if this is supposed to be something to learn from, or merely something for the laymen who know nothing about Egypt, nothing about the amazing history and rich artifacts. I'll be happy if and when they make a series the for the people who can understand the importance and wonder of Egypt in a mature and reverent light.
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